Muppet Funeral

Last week, my wife and I went to Orlando for a Muppet funeral. Or really, more of a Muppet deathbed visit.

A few months ago, Disney announced there would be a new Monsters Inc rollercoaster in Disney Hollywood Studios. To make room, they are shutting down and re-theming an area of the park nicknamed the “Muppet Courtyard” tomorrow. The area includes a gift shop, the Muppet-themed Italian joint PizzeRizzo (I liked it. Disney is big on food made by rats!), the show-stopping Miss Piggy fountain, and my favorite theme park attraction of all-time, MuppetVision 3D. The attraction is a tour of Muppet Labs, which is a theater based closely on the one from The Muppet Show. There are lots of 3D hi-jinx as characters come in-and-out of the movie screen. MuppetVision 3D doesn’t just break the 4th wall. The Swedish Chef blows up the 4th wall with a cannon!

MuppetVision 3D was the last major project Jim Henson directed before he died. For historic and cultural significance alone, I thought the over 30 year old attraction was safe from Mickey’s bulldozer. But cultural significance don’t sell MagicBands, kids. *Puffs Cigar*

As a lifelong Muppets fan, I always wanted to be in the audience of The Muppet Show, seated alongside monsters and chickens, watching Gonzo get trampled by cows or Miss Piggy karate chopping a literal chauvinist pig. MuppetVision made that feel possible. You walk through the hallways of this Muppet theater, wander into “backstage” with Muppet props, costumes, and set pieces (on our last visit, I went around the room and tried to catch all the sight gags – I still missed some), and sit in a theater with a physical (animatronic) penguin orchestra and a physical balcony containing Statler and Waldorf, who heckle throughout. Kermit, our host, appears to talk directly to me, the viewer. MuppetVision makes you feel like you’re part of the show.

It would be a mistake to call MuppetVision “just a 3D movie.” It’s a theater. It’s a place. Places have meaning. Walls trigger memories. They remind us of our hopes and dreams. They scare, surprise, and delight us. In my case, it took me back to my childhood. I fell in love with MuppetVision. The characters, the humor, and the technical wizardry. I was entranced. It was nice to feel some of those feelings again on our trip.

As I learned in my theme park design class, the art of attractions is building places with narrative meaning. Every prop, sign, and doorknob helps tell to tell a story. To communicate theme. I interpret the theme of MuppetVision as: creativity cannot be contained. It’s a force to be unleashed. Once it’s loose, nothing can stop it. When Dr. Bunsen turns on the machine that creates Waldo, “the spirit of 3D,” the annoying little shapeshifting critter flies everywhere, even out of the movie! Similarly, Bean Bunny wants to help put on the show, but keeps accidentally ticking off Miss Piggy. Later, he gets to help by setting off the fireworks for the grand finale… which ruins Miss Piggy’s Statue of Liberty outfit. The whole theater is destroyed by the end of the show, but Kermit explains the theater only suffered “minor damage.” When you’re as creative and driven to perform as The Muppets, a blown-up theater can’t stop you. Nothing can stop you…

…except a mega corporation deciding to punish your IP for the mistakes they made mismanaging it. But that’s meta-text, not subtext.

I don’t think Disney knows what to do with The Muppets. To the executives, I imagine The Muppets are like an old stuffed animal. They don’t want it anymore. It’s old and dusty. But they can’t give it away, because their mom gave them the toy years ago when they were sick, so it’s a sentimental favorite. The stuffed animal stares at them on the shelf, and the executives are like, “Leave me alone! I’m playing Fortnite!”

When I think of modern Disney storytelling, I think of three core power fantasies:

* You will achieve what your heart desires. (Princesses)
* You have the power to save the world. (Marvel)
* You are on the right side of history. (Star Wars)

We empathize with a well-written character, but we want to be a character who unlocks a power fantasy deep inside us. We want to buy that character’s lightsaber, get a cute makeover to look like them, or visit their boring-looking superhero office park “canvas” in California. We want to become more like these heroes. That is Disney’s core business. It is selling you the story, the fantasy, the theme that you can be the version of yourself you want to be, by following these models. That’s a story it can sell to children and Disney Adults to the tune of billions of dollars in box office revenue, merchandise, and theme park tickets. And while you’re at the parks, an emu leg or two.

The appeal of The Muppets has nothing to do with a power fantasy. In fact, The Muppets are often portrayed as powerless, inadequate, and straight-up incompetent. Kermit is a show producer incapable of reigning in the chaos of his own show. Fozzie is a comedian who flops constantly and folds when heckled. Miss Piggy is the glamorous star who is constantly being roasted (couldn’t help myself) by her peers. Gonzo is an edgy performance artist whose art is meaningless destruction. The Swedish Chef can’t catch a chicken, let alone cook one. The Muppet Newscaster never makes it through a full broadcast without getting clobbered by something. Lew Zealand is a suffering addict. That’s why he throws fish! It’s a really bad halibut! (Again, apologies.)

Yes, there are semi-exceptions. Rowlf is portrayed as a successful piano player, though The Muppet Movie implies he’s unlucky in love. Scooter is a good assistant, though he only got the job because his uncle owns the theater. But The Muppets are not all-stars. They’re not popular kids. They’re not heroic do-gooders. Kermit once described their variety show as “second rate” to, of all characters, Luke Skywalker. Miss Piggy has been known to hulk out and destroy a human dude five times her size, but that ability is presented as a joke, which further undercuts the glamorous image of herself she projects. It’s ironic Miss Piggy is so strong, unlike Rey, who we’re meant to take seriously as a badass.

So why do we love The Muppets? There are lots of reasons. Here are three big ones for me…

1. The Muppets are hilarious. This is an indisputable fact that requires no further arguments on my part.

2. The Muppets are vulnerable. When Kermit is stressed out and overburdened, they sing the delicate “It’s Not Easy Being Green.” In A Muppet Family Christmas, a TV special, Swedish Chef was trying to kill and cook Big Bird, who ends up making him cry about how he’s so far away from his family on Christmas. Gonzo might be the most soulful of all The Muppets. It’s surely not a coincidence he’s the most ostracized and isolated within the group for being a “weirdo.” Though their humor is inspired by the zaniness of the Looney Tunes, The Muppets have deep seeded anxieties and sensitivities that make them far more relatable as people.

3. The Muppets are stronger together. They might be losers and weirdos individually, but collectively, they put on hilarious comedy shows. They stop evil fast food capitalists. They thwart jewel thieves. They take Manhattans. They create the definitive adaptation of a Christmas story that’s been adapted literally millions of times. The Muppets are a testament to how creativity flourishes within even the most chaotic groups. Hell, if rock and sketch comedy documentaries are to be believed, creativity flourishes even more within chaotic groups.

The Muppets were once a merchandising powerhouse. Their felt-and-foam faces have been slapped on everything from buttons to bedsheets, t-shirts to toothbrushes, action figures to video games. There was a long-running Muppet magazine and a successful syndicated comic strip in newspapers across the country. Jim Henson, a seasoned advertising pitchman, knew how to sell The Muppets. They are cute, funny, and humans of all ages relate to them. We are all weirdos. We are all chaotic. We are all goofy. We are all imperfect. We want to express ourselves, but we don’t always know how. We want to be part of something bigger than ourselves. Being a Muppet isn’t a fantasy. We are all Muppets. These characters help us understand ourselves, like astrology. (I’m a Gonzo with a Fozzie moon.)

The most recent major Muppets project was The Muppets Mayhem, a Disney+ series about The Electric Mayhem, the Muppet rock band with Animal on drums. It was pretty terrific, actually. (A heck of a lot better than the utterly joyless Office-style sitcom from the mid-2010s.) The premise is that, despite being a touring band since the 70s, The Mayhem have never successfully recorded an album. Some well-meaning humans at a record label try to help and get pulled into all their chaos. The Mayhem are written very well. They’re funny, clueless, delusional, and conceited. We love them because they love playing music and they care about each other. The series scored 86% with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and over 90% with audiences. It won an Emmy and was nominated for six total.

Disney cancelled The Muppets Mayhem after one season. You can’t sell what you don’t understand. Muppet fans are still here, though. We still believe in Jim Henson’s vision. We still collect merch on eBay. We even fly across the country into the hellish Florida swamp weather to celebrate the closing of a theme park attraction.

Why? Because The Muppets understand us, and that’s the best 3D effect of them all.

🎲 Your Turn: Do you love The Muppets? If so, which one do you identify with the most? It can be one of the “core” Muppets, or a character from Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock, the ABC sitcom Dinosaurs. If you most identify with Fran Sinclair, I especially want to hear from you. Where are my Fran stans? Seriously, any love you have for Muppets, I wanna hear about it. Reply directly to this email or hit the orange button below to comment and tell the whole world.